Sustiva Diva
by
Christian X
here comes Miss
Sustiva
blowing me out the
box
like some
infectious-type diva
my pain is my stain
made into an object of
disdain
by the someone I once
loved
into a stereotype
I’ve been shoved
and now all this
strife
has become incredibly
rife
doubled & quadrupled
and overwhelmed my
little life
not even worthy to
have a wife
to have & to hold
til death do us part
or, is it… bring us
together?
I 've acquired this
"HIV"
my new lifetime
guarantee
that THESE 4 little
pills will keep me going every day
drying me out
wearing me out
keeping me UP
all freakin' night
I can't sleep
I gotta cry
don't wanna die
just wanna fly
outta my body
into the air
Awaaaaaaaay from this
infection
into a god-FORSAKEN
resurrection
Sustiva can be a bytch sometimes
causing me to have
suicidal thoughts
suicidal dreams
suicidal love
but
Sustiva is my only
hope
who can broaden up my
worldly scope
of possibilities
of disabilities
she will SUSTAIN me
so I'll never reach
the END of that withered little rope
2 t-cells became 200…
PLUS
and so now I'm back
like Lazarus
almost gone without a
trace
into that lonely
little space
called Death
no more breath
I won't drink from
your glass
so please… don't
harass
LEARN about what I
got
your ignorance MUST
be surpassed
I won't eat from your
plate
so please… stop the
hate
I can't give you what
I got
you should learn to
relate
and open your eyes to
see
me
the human
with feelings
I don't want to stay
alone
silent in the dark
without nothing but
the beating of my
heart
do the bags under my
eyes
show you what you
don't want to see?
are you scared for
you?
or are you scared for
me?
keep that infected
spic outta my house!
paper cups
paper plates
plastic forks
people's hate
get out!
I don't want to see you!
or know you!
cause you got what I
don't want!
aids infected
friend dejected
end selected
how much time
how much rhyme
will it TAKE to tell
my life?
from the ghetto
that I tried to rise
up out of
but somehow got stuck
in
somewhere between
here…
and the corner store
but
wait a minute
I'm not gonna die
cause things are
different now
you don't just die
you just get dry
from the drugs
I used to hug
people
and be there for them
even though they were
see-through
but that is the past
now I have no one but
Sustiva
who loves me
embraces me
and fills me… with
gas
and gives me that
nasty taste in my throat
reminds me of all the
deadly kisses
every day she tries
to swallow all my wishes
of a better life
I used to be someone
I used to be a person
I used to be in love
once
until my illness
further worsened
I was born on this
street
down the road from
defeat
into the eyes of
despair
the cold, longing
stare
I just want to enjoy
what I have
with all of those
that still care
people who know
always talking mess
always your problems
they seem to address
never listening to
another’s inner conversations
always thinking you a
snob
without ever
furthering relations
always angry with
themselves,
so they take it out
on you
always trying to
attack me
never seeing that I’ve
got problems, too
never seeing that I
am trying to survive
this sexual drive
down the road of my
life
trying to outrun
trying to stay
positive
in more ways than one
you hate me
because
you hate yourself
so
the fact remains
that
I may have HIV
but, HIV
will NEVER have me.
